Board Thread:Questions and Answers/@comment-5745743-20161211044244/@comment-9154802-20161211074642

I'm sorry I can't be PERFECT. I'm sorry that I've only had experience doing this for only a few months because I had to be absent so often due to tenchincal issues. I'm sorry for being ATTACKED constantly whenever I tried to do anything. I'm sorry no one ever tried to work with me, help me understand what they wanted me to do. I'm sorry for the lack of cooperation on everyone else's part. I have made my fair share of mistakes. I have made, so many mistakes trying to be a better admin, and continue to get better. I'm sorry to Zion, for being so harsh on him, I'm sorry to Elcid for being so critical of him, I'm sorry for my social incomptence and my inability to understand basic opinions and desires. I tried so hard. I wanted to help everyone get better at RP, I wanted to help everyone at Page making, I'm sorry I tried so hard to shape the wiki because I so desparately wanted it back to the way it was before Rev ended. I wanted it back to when everyone happily RPed together. I wanted to bring everything back to the way it was before. I've had to make so many decisions on my own because no one wanted to give me input, no one wanted to work with me on anything. I have made terrible decisions, I have made good ones. I'm not going to sugar coat my flaws because I'm a flawed person. I'm sorry that I've come off as restricting, tyrannical, and oppressive. I'm sorry for being an emotionally unstable person who only ever wanted to be heard, who wanted to be known as someone who has great ideas, and plans to make lookout even better. I felt so lonely and ignored. I felt as though my opinion didn't matter. When I first became admin I tried to be open to all ideas. I tried to be welcoming to all suggestions. I tried to be open to everything just like Kuzon. But All I got was criticism, attacks, insults, antagonized. Everything I ever said was met with anger, and hatred. I am constantly compared to terrible leaders and politians. I'm made the subject of so many jokes and sexual discussions. I am harassed by a user who refuses to leave me alone. And slowly I started to close myself off. I felt hated, and unwanted. I wanted so much for the wiki and no one was giving me that chance. No one wanted to help me. No one wanted to guide me. I'm sorry for being someone who loves this wiki from the bottom of my heart, and tries to do something new for the wiki all the time. I've had to, so often, restrain myself from going crazy and blocking everyone who ever wronged me. I've tried so hard to be as generous as I can. I try so hard to do everything I can for the wiki I just want to be accepted. I just want to be heard. I just want to work with everyone to make this a better place. My original intent to take the wiki over was wrong and I know that now. I onl yever saw the detriment that Elcid and Kuzon were at the time. Now I know I was wrong. The only reason why the wiki was so stagnant is because Kuzon didn't have an opposite to play off of. He didn't have someone to make compromises with, and Elcid didn't help in the fact he pretty much agreed with Kuzon at every corner. Kuzon needed someone to disagree with and I was there for him. We made so much progress together. But the damage had already been done. I was so closed off that I was afraid to talk to anyone abotu anything I had planned. I turned to staff whenever I was stuck. I got advice from the only sound person around me. I only ever got advice from those who would listen to me! I was so narrow minded that I made msitake after mistake after mistake. I promoted a user who didn't know what pages to keep and what to delete. She failed to make lists of pages, and due to confusion involving Zion, I'm not even sure if I blocked him fairly or not! I am so overwhelmed and confused because I recieved so many mixed messages. And the hate only got worse! Elcid never let up! He never stopped. It kept getting to me and getting to me. I tried so hard to keep it in but I'm so close to losing it. Zion kept insulting my plans. He never tried to read them or think about them he only assumed that because it was me that it was bad. I tried hard to convince him otherwise but he just wouldn't lend me an ear. And when finally everyone starts to show support, it's already too late. I'm so hesitant to listen to anyone, to hear their voices. The attention I wished to give everyone that hadn't been given before I got here now had failed. I failed to do what I set out to do. I failed to make this a better place, and only increased the negativity! I failed everybody, because everyone failed me! I tried and tried and tried! I TRIED SO DAMN HARD! I JUST WANT SOMEONE THERE TO GUIDE ME! I WANT CONNER THERE TO GUIDE ME! I NEED HELP! PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE!!! I CAN"T DO THIS ON MY OWN ANYMORE! I'M TIRED OF BEING ALONE! I WANT TO HELP EVERYONE!